Divorce and child custody are two of the most emotionally charged areas of family law. When relationships break down, misinformation often fills the gaps left by fear, uncertainty, or hearsay. Unfortunately, believing in myths during such a critical time can lead to poor decisions and unnecessary complications. Whether you’re considering divorce or already in the midst of one, understanding the truth behind common misconceptions is essential to protecting your rights and your future.
Below, our friends from Vayman & Teitelbaum, P.C. set the record straight on some of the most common misunderstandings about divorce and custody.
Myth #1: Mothers Always Get Custody
This belief is perhaps the most persistent and the most damaging. While historically, courts may have shown a preference for mothers, modern family law has shifted toward a more balanced approach. Today, custody decisions are based on the best interests of the child, not outdated gender norms.
Courts consider a variety of factors when determining custody: each parent’s relationship with the child, work schedules, the child’s age and preferences, stability, and the ability to provide emotional and physical care. Fathers who actively parent and seek custody have just as much legal standing as mothers in most jurisdictions.
The takeaway? Don’t assume custody is predetermined. Both parents have rights and responsibilities, and the law supports shared parenting arrangements when they benefit the child.
Myth #2: You Don’t Need A Lawyer For An “Amicable” Divorce
Even in the most cooperative situations, divorce is a legal process with long-term consequences. Spouses who agree on major issues might feel tempted to handle everything themselves. While it’s admirable to keep things civil, that doesn’t mean you should skip legal advice.
A lawyer can help ensure that all paperwork is correctly filed, that you understand the implications of your decisions, and that your agreement is enforceable and fair. They can also help identify any blind spots you may not have considered, such as tax implications, retirement accounts, or hidden liabilities.
The takeaway? A peaceful divorce still requires legal protection. Consider hiring a lawyer as a means to preserve your peace, rather than disrupt it.
Myth #3: A Verbal Custody Agreement Is Enough
It might seem easier (and faster) to simply agree on child custody verbally, especially if you’re trying to avoid court. However, without a formal, written, and approved custody order, that agreement isn’t enforceable.
If one parent changes their mind or violates the arrangement, there’s no legal structure to hold them accountable. This can lead to instability for the child and create frustration and confusion for both parents.
A formal custody order provides clarity, predictability, and legal protection. It outlines parenting time, decision-making authority, and details regarding holidays, travel, and communication.
The takeaway? Verbal agreements are fragile. Protect yourself and your children with a documented, court-approved custody plan.
Myth #4: Property Will Be Split 50/50 No Matter What
Many people believe that all assets are automatically split in half during divorce. While some jurisdictions do follow a “community property” model, most use the principle of equitable distribution, which does not always mean equal.
The court will consider various factors, including each spouse’s financial situation, contributions to the marriage (both financial and non-financial), the length of the marriage, and the future needs of both parties. Marital property (assets acquired during the marriage) is typically subject to division, while separate property (owned before the marriage or inherited individually) may not be.
The takeaway? A 50/50 split isn’t guaranteed. The court aims for fairness, not mathematical equality.
The Truth: Every Divorce Is Unique
Divorce is deeply personal. Your circumstances, your children, and your assets all require tailored legal guidance. Listening to friends, family, or the internet might offer comfort, but it’s no substitute for professional legal advice based on your unique situation.
If you’re navigating divorce or custody matters, it’s essential to separate fact from fiction. With the right support, you can make informed decisions that protect both your emotional and financial well-being.
Legal Guidance
Understanding your rights is the first step toward a better future. Whether your divorce is contested or cooperative, complex or straightforward, a divorce lawyer can help you see clearly through the noise and take control of your path forward.